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Hi - from Northern Ontario.  I was diagnosed with ovarian serous cancer in Sept 2020.  Less than a month later, I had the total hysterectomy with lymph nodes and omentum removed.  My oncology surgeon was pretty sure that I was completely debulked.  Nov 30, I had my first of 6 chemo treatments with my second this Monday.  Other than the pain and fatigue from the surgery recovery...I've felt pretty good.  I have 2 days of mild flu-like aches and nausea after my first chemo and a reaction to the drugs that Benadryl fixed.  I've kept going like the energizer bunny, assuring everyone that I'm just 'rocking this'.  I've been positive (possibly too positive...avoiding?) for 3 months...but I've hit the emotional rollercoaster these past few days.  My hair is gone, I am feeling less than supported and confused by my oncology team over the last few weeks for various missteps...hence the pity party that has arrived on my doorstep. 

@Sadie12 I'm so happy you found this group...600+ strong and committed to sharing experiences, support or even just a kind word or virtual hug when needed. What better place to hold a pity party...and we've all held them from time to time.  So don't feel bad for feeling bad. 

I've been in and out of treatment for almost four years now and emotionally it can be a roller coaster.  I know that feeling of keeping up the brave front because that's what everyone expects of you.  Don't worry about anyone else. Allow yourself to feel the emotions you need to feel. But don't let them consume you. 

Try to focus on your treatment plan. It sounds, from your description you have a solid one and you ARE rocking the chemo. Sure your oncology team will mess up from time to time.  I'm back in chemo as of the beginning of this month and my nurse practitioner gave me my schedule for the holidays that caused me to rearrange all my plans, including inconveniencing a visiting nurse to come here on new year's day to give me a shot...only to realize she'd messed up and my actual schedule is entirely different.  How did I find out? Trusted my gut that felt like something didn't make sense and reached out to confirm what I'd been told.  I guess I could have gone ballistic....but, you know, everyone is human and makes mistakes.  It's the holiday season; easy to get distracted, easy to get overwhelmed covering for vacations and doing double duty with Covid impacts.  And, after all, the mistake wasn't life threatening...more inconvenience that was easily righted. 

How to stay balanced?  Learn everything you can about this disease and your treatment plan.  Go to the OCC website https://ovariancanada.org.  There is a wealth of information there and a booklet By Your Side I highly recommend if you haven't ordered it already.  With knowledge comes control and the ability to question and advocate for yourself.

Try to think big picture. So you've lost your hair....it will grow back, often thicker and lusher than before.  Have fun with the bald...we've all had our share of the 'ugly Christmas sweater"....how about some wacky head coverings? 

One thing that's helped me most is a phenomenal social worker at my cancer center.  She and I talk monthly, some times more frequently, and she's been enormously helpful as an objective sounding board. Someone I can talk to who's not there to judge; who has no expectations beyond helping me to ensure my perspective is balanced.  Truly I wish I had connected with her much earlier in my treatment. I didn't realize the value she would bring me.  So, I assume your cancer center has a social work department...ask for a referral. 

And, of course, continue to share your story here; reach out if you have questions; let us know what we can do for you. We do have a weekly live chat at 1pm EST every Thursday. Love to have you join us.  Just sign in at the appointed hour and click on the discussion topic Teal Thursday.....

In the meantime, best of luck with your treatment. So many of our gals are achieving enormous success these days what with the advances they've made treating our disease. I wish that for you. 
<3     

Thank you, Fearless.  I appreciate your encouragement.  I'm already over the bald head...my 5 year old thinks it's cool!

@Sadie12 I can empathize with you and the rollercoaster of emotions.  Its ok. With Cancer, covid and the holidays there is so many reasons for all sorts of emotions. Hang in there.. remember how your feeling is only today..tomorrow will be different. I have joined a cancer centre and found so much support with a weekly womans group where we zoom and all laugh and cry and vent. Perhaps you can look into one in your area or your cancer centre may have groups as well. Its ok to take it easy some days... it does get better.